I’m trying, I’m really trying to get on with revision, transcribing voice notes and rewriting, while the drilling continues upstairs. our Athens building block is incredibly noisy with constant building works ongoing. I’ve my AirPods in at high volume streaming Smooth Jazz on Spotify.
I don’t think I can do it . . . I’m good at anything that requires connecting to others, #MyMenopausalMiddle with Moira’s Wealthy Minders for instance. But writing is a long, slow, solitary journey.
This might be just another displacement activity, but right now I need to be softly held somehow, that’s why I’m asking:
How can I create a vessel to hold myself safe?
The stern voice in my head says: Write down your action points and spend 45 minutes intervals to work on each action. Get uncomfortable and Just do it.
When I sit down to revise I feel uncomfortable and start to surf YouTube for the latest news.
This happens because I’m doing [writing] something that is true to my soul. The Ego wants that which makes sense, that which it knows. The soul wants to bring forth my longings. Dreams I hardly dare to dream for fear I’ve overreached.
And there it is—the fear of overreaching. Of doing something I might break or can’t pull off and have to leave midway because I can’t finish the race.
Just like exercise causes tiny tears in my muscles. The little tears are how the muscles grow stronger.
The thing is, that, it’s impossible not to cause tiny tears in my brain’s safety net (neurons) while I write, revise and rewrite.
The ‘pain’ of writing (feeling of overreaching) is my mind forming small tears in my ‘dear to be an achiever’ neurons.
Why would I think the discomfort that sends me surfing the net or the fridge, when I sit down to offer my soul to the page, would be any different to the pain from lactic acid during a workout?
Think of it this way, a soft voice whispers in my head: There is no post-pain after a good writing session, only a great feeling of achievement and a desire to continue. With vigorous exercise, on the other hand, the post pain (also feels good) as my body repairs or replaces damaged muscle fibres is sore AND comes whit the hassle of having to shower.
So this is what the annoying classic: “No pain, No Gain” means?
Yes, and let me add: Sometimes, when the writing session has been about trauma or triggering truths and showering is a good idea.
Now, as I’ve got that out of the way, if I feel the need to be seen I can choose to share it on my blog.
I’m also keeping FB open to our Wealthy Mind’s group page because it makes me feel connected to a group of women I know hold me both safe and accountable.
Have a happy, even in discomfort, safely connected kind of day.
Love and Light