My god, what am I like?
So yesterday I wrote about showing up on time for our Write-In’s and today I turn up late for Ruby’s reading celebration?
– What the heck, like? I hate it when I find my own ‘behaviour’ unacceptable.
‘Don’t be so hard on yourself.’ I know, but . . .
So this is what happened.
Ruby’s writing celebration have been in focus since last week, there’s fiction writing (her story is awesome), illustrations and dress-up costume. – She wanted to be a sock. – A what? – I know, a sock!
‘I have it all under control mum – I’m just going to wrap myself in a blanket.’ Only that 10 to ‘time-to-go’ this morning the sock keep falling off. So out comes the sawing kit. We make it to school just a few minutes late, phew! – Now, – time to ‘turn the day around’ and stop stressing.
I race home and jump in the pool because that’ll calm me down. I meant to swim last night, I had wine instead. By the time I’m showered and dressed I’m running late AGAIN! Still convinced I’ll make it on time, I race around looking for my sunglasses. By the time I arrive on campus the first girl is already reading. – I feel so bad.
Time to turn the day around AGAIN. The day is already hot, and Ruby’s wilting in her sock as she reads her story, – beautifully. Love you girl, so proud of you! THEN our group runs out of time, just as the last girl starts reading her story. It breaks my heart to see how upset she is. Her mum and I want to stay and let her read, so we hold the girls back and THAT’s why Ruby miss their photo-booth group photo and now she’s upset. Bloody hell, we’re all upset now, so I try to ‘control’ the situation, – and then I finally realize, – NOW is the time to let go.
Stop trying to fix things and let her figure it out by herself, that’s where it’s at. Letting go of trying to help her with ‘everything’ and instead just LISTENING to how she finds solutions. THAT’s where we’re at.
Now she’s disappeared and a teacher tells me, ‘Ruby’s in the bathroom consoling her friend.’ Oh, man – YES! – That’s what she’s at!
So I wander off campus in search of food and solitude. I have a very short time to write on my book today, it’s a 1/2 day at school and tomorrow is a holiday.
Time to turn the day around. – Again!
I stand at the till ready to pay . . . . Oh MAN! I have no money!
Time to stop turning the day around and just let it unfold the way it wants. I’m obviously not in control today, – time to give up control and perfection and Just Be & then – BREATH ❤
Love and Light
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