Today feels like starting all over agin.
The surge of fear swells up from my gut like burning indigestion. Halting my breath as if I’m reacting to a tiger about to eat me alive. Striking at my hip and shoulder where I carry my emotions like numb pain.
At first, fear so vivid, I can see the tiger, before I remember to breathe.
With practised deep and slow breathing, Donna, my writing couch, drifts into my mind. I remember our lesson on #fear, from her Book on Fire course at the end of last year. When it came to me to personify fear into her. She didn’t mind.
So today, after the words I wanted for my memoir are written and the first review awaits my attention and I hear the tiger roaring it’s vulgar voice; ‘What if every word you’ve written is crap?’ I put Donna, fear personified, back in the corner by my office door. She still doesn’t mind. I see her cheeky smile, asking; ‘Is it me you’re afraid of?’ – And I start again.
I start again, from page 1, and it reads; ‘
I never set out to tell so many lies, such vicious and deceitful lies. They just fell out whenever I opened my mouth, so much easier than speaking the truth.
I didn’t know the truth. I didn’t understand what it was. I was too busy figuring out how not who, I was supposed to be, to fit in.’
I still feel the fear, so I keep breathing and I keep writing.
Love and Light
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