Today feels like starting all over agin.
The surge of fear swells up from my gut like burning indigestion. Halting my breath as if I’m reacting to a tiger about to eat me alive. Striking at my hip and shoulder where I carry my emotions like numb pain.
At first, fear so vivid, I can see the tiger, before I remember to breathe.
With practised deep and slow breathing, Donna, my writing couch, drifts into my mind. I remember our lesson on #fear, from her Book on Fire course at the end of last year. When it came to me to personify fear into her. She didn’t mind.
So today, after the words I wanted for my memoir are written and the first review awaits my attention and I hear the tiger roaring it’s vulgar voice; ‘What if every word you’ve written is crap?’ I put Donna, fear personified, back in the corner by my office door. She still doesn’t mind. I see her cheeky smile, asking; ‘Is it me you’re afraid of?’ – And I start again.
I start again, from page 1, and it reads; ‘
I never set out to tell so many lies, such vicious and deceitful lies. They just fell out whenever I opened my mouth, so much easier than speaking the truth.
I didn’t know the truth. I didn’t understand what it was. I was too busy figuring out how not who, I was supposed to be, to fit in.’
I still feel the fear, so I keep breathing and I keep writing.
Love and Light
I’d love to keep in touch, don’t you? Pop your details in below and every few weeks, or so, I’ll send you my musings on writing, life and #TRUTH hunting.